The Thermodynamics of Hell
	Author: Author unknown but perhaps Tim Graham
	Notes: A true story (aren’t they all?): A thermodynamics professor gave a take home exam to his graduate students. One of the questions was, “Is hell endothermic (generates heat) or exothermic (releasing heat)? Support your answer with a proof. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the piece that went around the Internet like greased lightning. Dr. Robert L. Shambaugh from the University of Oklahoma, does teach a course in thermodynamics, but maintains he never asked the problem about hell. “My guess is that one of my ex-students added fact to fantasy to create the problem about hell,” he writes. A student named Tim Graham is sometimes suggested as the possible writer.
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First, we postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell, and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

#1 So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter, then the temperature and pressure will increase until all hell breaks loose.

#2 Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So, which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during the freshmen year, and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A.